Lost in the haze

Recently I've been struggling with the fact that I haven't seen much change in my life. Nothing. From high school, to college, to now. I've just been going through the motions day in and day out. No real spark. Nothing drastic. Just there. Another blind soul. For once in my life I'm not sure what to do. Do I need to do something out of the ordinary? Bizarre? I seriously don't know. It bugs the hell out of me that in 23 years, I don't know what to do. Everyone seems to have that passion and desire pushing them each day, until they reach their goals. me? Nothing. Everything in my life has pretty much been handed to me. So I don't know what it means to struggle. And because of that, I've never really desired anything. I've never not gotten anything I wanted.  People just tell me what to do and I do it. Everything just seems to work out in my favor, until the next day, and the day after that. Thats how its been my whole life. You tell me something and I do it. Both sides are "happy", and we carry on with our lives.


What have I done? ME. Have I done anything to change anyones life? My family? My friends? Me? I'm always that one great friend to have around, the life of the party, never in a bad mood, always happy, never struggles with anything, just "happy". But if I always make everyone laugh and smile, how come I'm the one that isn't happy. I have everything that most people would die for and are dying for right now just to be in the position I am in. But why am I not happy with it? I feel like I don't deserve it most times, and people are always quick to pull the trigger on how deserving I am and how I make everyone happy in my life. But why am I not happy? I've gone through my whole life with no excitement. No change. Just the same thing every day. I need something new and exciting. I guess I won't get that if I stay home everyday wondering why. I just don't want to wake up ten years from now wondering where my life went, because I did the same thing and never changed.

Peace & Love

Chico